Clean 9

Tomorrow I am starting the Forever Living Clean 9 cleanse, in a hope to kick start my fitness journey once again. Everything stalled over the summer, but with the kids going back to school and Spartan on the horizon, it’s time to take some action!

The program starts with two days of supplements and only “free” fruit and veggies, day three then adds in a 600 calorie evening meal. I have also signed up for an eight week yoga course (in the comfort of my own home, obviously) where you follow 5 classes a week for 8 weeks, along with a guided meditation. I’m hoping that these things will get me in the right frame of mind to progress my health and fitness, rather than stalling or giving up completely; as I have in the past.
Day 1

First day of C9 went really well, no side effects, no energy dips. I did go to bed early, but I haven’t been sleeping well, so that’s nothing unusual. Did my second yoga session of the week, which was good, felt so relaxed when I’d finished.

I’m feeling really positive about the whole process.

Day 2

Still feeling good, ate a little more today, but nothing bad. Again no side effects, energy dips or headaches. I can’t believe how good I’m feeling and that I’m not famished, I am looking forward to my meal tomorrow evening though. I get to add in a shake for breakfast as well, so have a feeling I may feel pretty full tomorrow 😊 

Excited and nervous to weigh and measure in the morning.

Third yoga session was a fabulously relaxing hour of gentle stretching. Getting my “Om” on! I enjoy it so much.

Day 3

Today I get to eat a meal! So excited!!

The plan is going well and today I got to weigh and measure for the first time since I started. Results are in and I’ve lot 4.5lb and 7.5cm. Pretty happy with that and measure again on day 6. For my meal I had chicken style pieces, quinoa, pepper, tomatoes, green beans and cucumber………..it was delicious!

Day 4

Today saw me excited to go to the opening of the new Chickboxing gym and after to a rope climbing session with friends. I was interested to see how I would handle the workout without my usual food intake. At the chickbox I was roped into one of their new workouts; what a killer!

50 skips,50 kettlebell swings, 50 skips, 50 box jumps/step ups, 50 skips, 50 weighted lunges and 50 skips! Phew, sweat dripping off me, but I managed it with no rest!! I recovered quickly after some water and went on to 1 hour rope climbing lesson, again it was tough, but I got through it. I expected to be famished when I got home, but I really wasn’t, though I did have a hankering for a fake bacon and avocado sandwich. Worked out all the calories and Yay! I was able to eat it, even added in some free veggies to be sure that I wouldn’t get hungry.

5th yoga lesson of the week wasn’t so enjoyable, it involved resting in each pose for 5 minutes. Some poses were ok but others aggravated my arthritis and I wish I’d chosen the alternative class. Oh well, you live and learn.

Day 5

Oh. My. Goodness. I can barely walk this morning! My legs and glutes are agony, so instead of the gym I took a brief walk to loosen up. The cleanse is still going well, though after yesterday’s exertions, I did wake up hungrier than usual; adding some raspberries into my shake helped. The rest of the day went well, energy levels are still good too ☺️

Day 6

All going well, still. Weighed and measured this morning lost 2.5kg and 14cm!! I can’t believe it 😱 For so little effort, I’m seeing great results and feeling fantastic. People are commenting on how well I look, my skin feels amazing, even though I haven’t been doing anything to it. 

Days 7-9

Well, the last 3 days have gone the same as the rest of the program, nice and easy with no problems; I have even hit the gym a couple of times and been for a run.
Results and review 

During the program I lost 3.4kg and 25.5cm in total. I’m surprised by how easy it was, no real effort involved, I didn’t feel hungry or deprived and my energy levels are incredible. I’m honestly surprised by the results and how good I feel, as I was sceptical when I began as to whether it would make any difference, or even if I’d be able to stick to it!!

But I did!! So now on to the next challenge, the Emily Skye F.I.T phase 1 program will begin on Monday.
Wish me luck! xxx


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Friends

One of the hardest things I have found with my depression is that it has robbed me of the person I am, or thought I was.I used to think that I was confident and happy with who I was, that people either liked me or didn’t and if they didn’t like me I wasn’t bothered.

That was me.

I was working when full-time when my depression hit; mostly my job was the cause of my depression, but I believed in the friends I had there. We had been through so many emotional events, weddings, pregnancy, health scares, relationship worries and more, that I believed that we were true friends.
Boy, was I wrong!

From the moment I was signed off work, until I handed in my notice six weeks later, I heard nothing. Not a single word. No card, no calls, not even a text. When I was able to gather myself enough to go in and collect my belongings, I let them know I was coming and all they asked was if I would remember the DVD’s I’d been lent!
At the time I was too much of a mess to even think about this, had to get my dad to come with me for support, but now I am hurt and wounded.

I think because of this, I now find it so difficult to form new friendships and trust people.I have made some wonderful friends, who have supported me and helped me through my depression, but I still find it difficult to trust that they are truly my friends.

Last summer I began to relapse into depression and withdrew from these friends. I felt I was in the way, that they were including me in things because they felt obliged to, that they were talking and spending time together without me (which made me jealous that they had that friendship, and hurt that I wasn’t included).
The absolute worst thing of all is that I hurt these people, because of these imagined slights; yet only a few weeks ago I found myself feeling the same way, I saw them walking together and realised they had spent time together without me and started to pull away, to protect myself from the hurt.

I know how ridiculous it is to feel this way, but I don’t know how to stop. At least this time I recognised what was happening and talked to various people about how out of proportion my reaction was. It helped and I was able to talk myself through it, but I was left wondering whether I will ever, truly, be able to trust again, or even believe that the friends I have will always be there.

Things happen

Well, this week was supposed to mark my return to the gym and renewed effort to lose weight. Instead it has consisted of an allergic reaction to my new arthritis medication; so on waking Monday instead of going to the gym I found myself resembling the elephant man, who’d had boiling water poured over him. I have since spent most of the week sleeping.

Today I find myself feeling very low and weepy. Is it just the lingering effects of the reaction? Or am I hitting another low point in my battle with depression?

I want to do so much, but lack the energy/enthusiasm to do them. I feel as though I am wasting my life, but have no idea what to do. I’ve looked at jobs, but need something that fits around school. Then I worry about how I would cope with a job and my arthritis and whether I would be able to function in a work environment.

My head is full of noise, but no words are formed, nothing makes any sense. These few days of being ill have seen me sleep, but as the reaction is dying down, I know sleep will become harder to achieve. Already I find my jaw clenched and the noise in my head is building.

How?

How?

This word goes through my head a lot at the moment. I have spent the latter part of this year careering from one crisis to another and trying to keep it all together.
At the moment it relates to my husband and myself, our health problems and life in general. Today I’ve spent my time circling around the question “How can you be strong for someone, when you are falling apart?” I have depression and suspected osteoarthritis which, at the moment, are both causing me untold pain.
Over the last few weeks my husband has had to go through various different health checks and investigations, all scheduled at school time necessitating finding childcare. The last one being an MRI.We arrive at the hospital and he gets changed, they take him off and I settle down to read my book, only five minutes pass and he’s back grey and shaking. He had a panic attack as soon as the radiographer left the room. So she recommends he goes to the doctor for some Diazepam and tries again. We leave the hospital and he’s still shaking, on the verge of tears and verbally beating himself up for not being able to go through with it.
So on top of it being a day when I am in agony with every step and so emotionally fragile that I have already broken down three times, I am the one talking him down and convincing him that all is ok. Today I am just shattered and I’ve been to the doctors for more blood tests, walking back it hit me

How long can I continue being strong, when I’m falling apart?
And how is it that no one notices?
Do I cover it that well? Not even trying to hide it at the moment, maybe everyone is too busy with their own stuff. It is a busy time after all.

Here’s hoping I can remain strong and things get better

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